For the Love of Savanna

Me (to Savanna): "I love you".

Savanna (to me): "I-uv-yoo".

Me to my Mom: "Mom, Mom, you've got to listen to this. She said it! She really said it!"

Me to Savanna (my Mom now present): "Savanna, I love you".

Savanna (with a BIG smile): "Iuvyoo."

Me: "Oh, my goodness, Baby Girl, you just said the most beautiful three words I've ever heard". (I give Savanna lots of kisses, clap, dance, make a complete fool of myself...)

Savanna: "I want cookie".

Me: "I love you".

Savanna: "COOKIE MOMMA".

Me: Well, that was short lived.....

 This week I am grateful for: (Thanks, Stacy for joining me and Kate)

1. All you dear adoption bloggers who openly share your ideas, feelings, and lives with me. I have learned much from you and have appreciated your support more than you could possibly know.

2. My "Mexican Goose" (a.k.a Ruthie, "Goose"). Goose was a clerical "temp" worker in my department when I met her 8 years ago.  Goose had a severe case of ADD while I had a mild case of ADHD (okay, okay, so it's not THAT mild) and this made for a great combination of laughs. Not a day went by that the Goose and I didn't laugh about something. 

In several ways Goose and I were (are) opposites... she didn't have a H.S. diploma; I had a master's degree. She lived in a  in a one bedroom apartment; I owned my own 3 bedroom condo. Goose had 2 kids and a husband; I had none. She made A LOT of refried beans and rice; I opened a can of Rosarita and made Minute Rice. Although very smart, Goose didn't desire upward mobility in the workforce; I was on my way to a Management position. What my dear Goose had was "heart", the most beautiful, gentle, loving heart a person could have.

I value my friendship with my Mexican Goose. She would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it (she'd more likely go to Nordstrom's and buy you 10 shirts). She would take the time to really listen, to "hear" the feelings behind your words. If you were sad Goose would hold you and comfort you until you had no more tears. She would provide words of wisdom and support to "keep you going". She would call you every day if you were in crisis. She'd kick your hind quarters too, if your "pity party" lasted too long.

The world would be a much better place if we had more "Goose's".

I love Goose. (I am also very proud of Goose-- she and Hub just purchased their first home! This is a HUGE accomplishment for them.)

2.  My VCR so I can tape American Idol. The girls are so much better than the boys this season. I wonder if that will change with some "fine tuning". Do you have a "fav"?

3.  American made toilet paper.

4. Half hour a day to meditate.

5.  Revlon #55!

My dear Savanna,

It seems like yesterday that I met you ( 2/23/06). To this day, I do not think of that day without tears welling in my eyes. When I saw you in Aura’s arms (your foster mom) I thought you were beautiful, the most stunningly beautiful baby I had ever seen. I also thought you were so tiny. Aura had dressed you in the outfit I sent to her a few weeks prior to our meeting. It was a very soft pink velour sweatsuit. You wore a pink satin headband that had a flower in the center, and you had the smallest little socks on. I still have them. I’ve saved many of your clothes that have “special” meaning for me, and hopefully for you too one day.

I think of your birth mom, Ramona, daily. You look a lot like her. I feel a special bond to her as you share her blood and DNA. I am grateful that she chose to bring you into the world. I feel honored and deeply humbled to be your “Mom”.

Aura will always be a very special person. You spent the first 6 ½ months of your life with her, her husband, and her son Christopher. They loved you dearly. I am so glad that Aura loves you and wants to be part of your life. It pained her deeply to “let you go”. She loved you as her own. Aura took wonderful care of you which gave you a very good start in life. I will always be grateful for all she gave to you. When you are older I will take you to see her, Christopher, and Anyela, who was born Dec. 2, 2006.

You have grown much in one year. You weighed only 14 lbs when I met you and now you weigh 23.5 pounds. You were only 21 inches in height and now you are 31. You also have a mouth full of teeth. And, you are 18 months old.

You have learned much in one year, Sass. You learned to crawl but were more enthusiastic about learning to walk, which you did at 10 months of age. You quickly learned to run, and I’ve been chasing you ever since! You love to climb and jump too. And baby girl, you learned to dance and are now better than I am. You love to sing “nah ne nah ne nah”. You love to go in a circle and say, “round and round and round and … ‘down”. I think it’s your version of “ring around the rosey and we all fall down” but I’m not certain. You like to play “peek-a-boo” by hiding your face under your blanket and quickly disappearing, and suddenly appearing. This brings great laughter from all of us.

You love to help me around the house. If something is spilled on the floor you will quickly wipe it up with a sponge or cloth. You love to put your diaper in the trash, and carry refreshments to family and friends. You also like to carry clean clothes to your room and put them away. You LOVE to flush the toilet too. And, if you see that one of the dogs wants to come inside you are quick to tell me “Mimi inside”. Oh, course you call Sam “Mimi” too, but I know what you are trying to convey.

You began talking before the age of one. At 16 months, you used two-word sentences and at 18 months three-word sentences were more frequent. You learn one or two words every day. Right now you speak 65 words verbally and sign “milk”, “bananna”, “done”, “cookie”, “dog”, “eat”, “milk”, “juice” “bath”, “sock”, “shoe”, and “cracker”. By far, your favorite word(s) right now is “NO!” and “is mine”. You learn words very quickly, with very little effort on my part.

I was concerned about your being “anxiously attached” to me a couple of months ago. However, “out of the blue”, you started playing by yourself a bit more, not following me everywhere around the house, and you started sleeping through the night. Maybe your “attachment thing” was something you had to go through—you just needed to know that I would be there to love and take care of you. I’ll never know for sure. I’m happy to report that last month you became more social with strangers. You have always been social, but your timeframe to “warm up” is much shorter now. You engage others by smiling (WIDELY) and bringing your doll or purse for others to play with. You love for people to talk to you, and YOU LOVE TOLAUGH (and everyone laughs with you). You have a great sense of humor.

You have had a few “Vampire” and hitting moments and as a result, you experienced your first “time out” last week. I hope this won’t be an ongoing “issue”.

You are high spirited and really keep me on my toes. I love your spirit, and I pray that nothing or nobody will ever crush it. You have an endless supply of energy and absolutely NO concept of how difficult it is for a 41 year old body to keep up with you. Nap time is a blessing!

You are also very observant, sensitive and kind. If you see someone who is sad you are quick to give them a hug, or rub and kiss their “owie”. You freely hug and kiss me, “Grammy”, “Sweetie” and the dogs. I love to watch you run through the front door, straight to your “Grammy” and give her a hug and kiss every day. She loves it too.

Savanna, I had no idea what life was going to “really” be like when I became your “Mom” one year ago. You have brought joy to my life that I never knew was missing. You have touched my heart in an everlasting way. You are beautiful on the inside and outside. You are my love, my light, my world. I am a better person because of you.

I love you now and always,

Mom

A few highlights of the last year, below.

Last year at this time my sister, Karen, and I were packed and ready to fly to Guatemala. I was so nervous. I was going to be a "mom" instantly after having a year long adoption "pregnancy". I thought it was a difficult "pregnancy" but in reality, it was "smooth as silk". I have Heartsent International Adoption Agency to thank for that.

This week I have been more emotional than I anticipated. My thoughts are consumed with the trip to Guatemala, my first meeting with Savanna and her foster mom, Aura, the translator, Susanna,  the Embassy appointment,  the illnesses we suffered, and the flight home. I am reliving the intensity of emotion of those joyous and life changing moments in slow motion, detail by detail. (I actually met Savanna on 2/23/06 at 10:15 a.m. And, I'm already working on that post!)

Every time I look at Savanna tears well up in my eyes. I don't have words to express the feelings.

This has been an incredibly wonderful journey. And, to think I have so many years ahead...

Here come the tears AGAIN...

Damn, the box of Kleenex is empty! 

If I had read Kate's post yesterday, I would have posted my "grains of gratitude" too. But it's never too late to be grateful right? Right! So, the grains I am grateful for are: (I'm going to try to be "grateful" at least one time a week!)

1.  My cousins Jackey, Suzie, Chirs & Lisa for choosing to adopt (internationally). I am eternally grateful that my extended family chose adoption as a first option towards building a family. And I am equally grateful that my nuclear family embraced the idea of my becoming a single mother at the age of 40, and welcomed Savanna into their hearts with "open arms".

2. My Auntie Jan who nudged, pushed, and prodded me to create a blog (I had no idea what one was when I started blogging in 8/05). I have met the most wonderful people, and made some friends that will last a life time.

3.  My first blog buddies Julie, Souad and for Nan and Kim who had gone through the adoption process before me and were, and continue to be, quick to offer encouragement, advice, and support.

4. My friend's Angel, Stacy for being my friends through the "hard times" and for witnessing the most intense experience of my life, my first meeting with Savanna. Stacy was so kind to tell Aura that Savanna would be very loved and would have a good home with me. Both of them are just an "email away" when I need help. I love you gals.

5. Meridith who is a Guatemalan adoptee who is adopting a Guatemalan baby girl. She "tells it like it is". She got "PINK" last week. Plase stop by and give her some "congrats".

5. Izabella's (or "Chica's") mom, Jen. I met Jen through email. She has become a dear friend and someone I admire beyond words. Two weeks ago she sent a huge care package for Cheyanne. She knew just what to get Chey to make her feel loved and special. One day, Jen, our families will vacation together. Get some meds girl!

6.  S. Sally Sue-- you know who you are! You are the best RL friend a person could have!

7. Karen, my sister and my best friend. 

8. Darryl? Am I grateful for Darryl? When he does something about "Roxanne's"  evilness I will be!  (Just kidding "D", I love you too)

9.  Kate who is my "little sister",  and whose heart, life, and writing is an inspiration to many. Please stop by her blog and get to know her. I'm convined Kate is an angel in disguise.

10. MY SWEET SASSY SAVANNA who I adore, treasure, admire, and love more and more each passing  day.

I only have time for 10 right now. I realized my list may never stop.

One can never be too grateful.

Stay tuned for more...

I now how enough Revlon #55 to color every hair follicle on my ENTIRE body!

"Thank You" to my dear friends and family. You saved my life.

(If you are totally confused, go to the 1/18 post).

Well, today marks the day of another milestone-- Savanna experienced her first official "time out" at Patti's (baby sitter) house.

Guess what she did? Well, it all started with pulling Kaylyn's hair (she's 6 mos. old), then she bit her best friend  Peyton, and lastly, she hit Jake. Not a proud day in her mother's life, for sure. I have no idea what "set her off".

Here's a picture of some of the kids-- Jake (left), Peyton, Madison ( tallest one terrible pic of her. She is actually very beautiful), and Savanna (far right). Baby Kaylyn isn't in the picture.  (Double click to see Jake. He' s so cute. Well, they all are). And, as you can see, Savanna is the youngest of this grouping. You would never know it by her "spiritedness".

When I asked Savanna about biting, hitting, pulling hair she wouldn't look me in the face. She KNEW she was naughty.  She had a shamful look on her face.

Then, all of a sudden, Savanna starting singing, "nah ne na ne nah nah". Patti and I almost blew a gasget!

Those who know me in "real life" know this is KARMA in its truest form... yeah, stop laughing! "Nah ne nah ne na na" right back at cha!

Let's hope tomorrow is a better day.

Me: "Savanna you may not shove the 'Sniffer' (nasal spray) up your nose". (I attempt to take it out of her hand).

Savanna: (Grips the 'Sniffer' tightly and pulls it to her chest) "Is MINE!"

Me: "You can have (search... search..) this giraffe to play with. See all the pretty colors? Look here, see it's yellow foot? And the black and white stripes? Can you show me where the giraffe's nose is?"

Savanna (points to giraffe's nose)

Me: "Wow. You are so smart. Would you like to hold the giraffe?

Savanna: "Sure" (takes the giraffe from me but still has the 'Sniffer' in the other hand).

Me: "I know you are curious about the 'Sniffer', but it is not a toy. Please give me the 'Sniffer".

Savanna: "NO! Is MINE".

Me: (Reach my hand towards Savanna's to remove the 'Sniffer' from her hand)

Savanna: (Screams) "No! MINE!... Momma!" (Stomps her feet.... flops to the ground.....kicks..... rolls to the left side.... rolls to the right side... screams again with a very high pitch)

Me: (Thinking) "Is she having a seizure down there?... Has an alien taken hold of her body?... This is NOT a pretty sight...Good Lord Savanna, all this for a 'Sniffer'?...I wonder how long this is going to last?"

Me: (Calmly) "I know you are very sad and angry right now. Would you like your 'baa' (blanket)? Would you like for me to hold you?

Savanna: (Nods head, "yes") "Baa" (milk 'baa" and blanket "baa" given to her. I hold her for a minute and she quickly calms down).

Me: ("Ah ha" moment) "Oh NO! She's not two yet! Silly me. And, I've thought she was 'spirited' all this time."

Hmmmm... yeah, I'm starting to get the picture... I wonder if I should build a padded room? No, not for Savanna, for ME!

I've been dog sitting my sister's dog for a couple of days. I love this little 1/2 wiener, 1/2 pug dog. She looks like a stuffed sausage. And check out her tongue. It's actually longer than what this pictures shows. It's so long that she can't fit it inside her mouth. 

Gidget was adopted from the "Little Angels Pug Rescue" a few years ago. The whole family adores her.  Well, Savanna both loves and is jealous of Gidget. I keep telling Savanna, "there's plenty of love to go around." She ain't gettin' it.

Savanna uses the term "baa" for her blanket (and her Sippy cup). She loves her "baas". She has several blanket "baas". Her blankets are technically called "transitional objects"and are normal and significant developmentally. Her blanket provides her emotional and tangible comfort, especially during times of stress. When going to sleep or being read a story, her blanket has a calming effect on her. Sometimes she takes her blanket to Patti's (baby sitter). I think it reminds Savanna of me(my smell is on it too) and gives her peace of mind.

Children attach to transitional objects (anything soft, cuddly) around six months of age. This is when they first start showing evidence of independence, but the attachment peaks at about eighteen to thirty months of age. The security objects are generally most important when the child is about two-and-a half years old. This may be because between the ages of two and three children develop the necessary skills that allow them to emotionally relate to people other than the people most important to them. The transitional object allows the child to show his autonomy. The young child enjoys having authority over something.

So, introducing Savanna's new "doggie baa" This is a very special "baa" because my sister made it especially for Savanna. She knew that Savanna loves dogs and loves soft cuddly things with a lot of satin. This blanket is a "hit". Oh, and it has a hood too (pattern was for a kid's towel) so I can cover Savanna's head when we go outside. Very creative huh? We love you Karen.

Here's a picture of Savanna enjoying her "baa" (notice all the toys in the background! It's "Toys R Us" in my living room. Oh, and that oval round thing is not what you think it is! It's a plastic egg plant. We are working on learning the names fruits and veggies).

Well, with all this discussion about "baas" it kinda makes me wish I had one...