For the Love of Savanna

May a healthy baby Savanna to come into my life VERY SOON.

With all my heart, mind, and soul I want Savanna to feel and experience my love for her,  Ramona's (birthmom's), and her foster mother's through my actions. May my (our) love help her to accomplish great things in this life and give her the confidence, strength, and endurance to handle life's challenges.

May I be humbled by remembering the sacrifice and blind faith that Ramona demonstrated when she relinquised her parental rights.

May I  be the mother Ramona would want for her precious daughter. May I honor her in how I parent Savanna.

May I seek guidance when I don't have knowlege and not be fearful of asking for help when I need it.

May I teach Savanna more through my actions than my words.

May I  always treat Savanna with compassion, understanding, and openness. May this be a guiding principle in how others should be treated.

 May I see life through Savanna's eyes.

May Savanna always know there is a purpose for her life.

May I be able to provide Savanna tools needed to lead a happy, successful, and rewarding life.

 May my faith give me peace, wisdom, strength, comfort, joy, and perserverance as I am challenged to grow in ways not yet conceived of, on this new journey.

 ... and,  may our lives together be filled with much love and laughter.

 HAPPY NEW YEAR!

(picture me screaming and pulling my hair out)... I have now been in PGN for 30 days. Yes, you read that correctly. I am damn sick and tired of waiting, waiting, waiting. Why the "h" "e" double toothpicks is it taking so long to pick up my baby girl?!

My agency is closed until 1/2. I was told messages would be checked daily and if there was any news I would be notified. I was told that the attorney in Guatemala is very conscientious, hardworking, diligent, etc. Then why the (numerous chains of swear words) am I still in PGN?! Yes, I know, it's because of the holidays... I don't buy it. No way, no how. I've been reading others blogs and know the PGN is still open. People are going in and out of PGN. Hello? What about me? My hunch is other people's attorneys are "pushing things through".  I think my attorney must be too busy with other clients or is on vacation.  I know I'm not the only one who wants to bring his/her baby home.  Right now I don't give a rat's ass about those "other families".  I just want to hold my little girl. I want to look into her big beautiful brown eyes and tell her, " te adoro" (I love you).  I want to feel, in the moment,  the realness of being a "mom",  Savanna's mom.

One of the things I HATE about the wait is the effect it will have on Savanna when I finally do get to bring her home. The longer she is in the foster home the more attached, bonded she will be with her foster mother. It will just make the transtion to me, my home, my family all the more difficult for her. If I don't get her when she is less than 6 mos old she is going to have major separation anxiety.  And, I will feel terrible for her.

What do I have to say about all this? LORD LOVE A DUCK!!!!

Footnote: In reality I like the people at my adoption agency. They have always been ethical, compassionate with birthfamilies and adoptive families, organized, and trustworthy. I'm just more than a bit frustrated and angry without a  "real" target.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to all my friends and family!

I was hoping to have received a call from the adoption agency telling me I was out of PGN this past week but no such luck. I am a little bit sad, disappointed that I don't have Savanna yet and don't have a firm date of when I possibly will have her. With that being said, I have much to be grateful for this holiday season. I have the most loving family a person could have, loyal and trustworthy friends, a job I enjoy and a staff that is beyond reproach. I am very blessed.

 I so hope I will have my baby girl very soon. I never knew "waiting" could be so emotionally draining.

My dear Savanna,

As you can see, your Auntie Jan made you a very special Christmas stocking (she's made over 300 of these stockings for family and friends so far). Even though you are not physically present at your very first Christmas celebration with the family, you are still very much a part of our thoughts. Your Granny Goose bought you your first ornament. I hung it right in front so all could see. There are several presents under the tree for you, little one. We will open them together, hopefully,  VERY SOON!!

Love,

Mom

My blog buddy, Julie at http://talesfromthestirrups.blogspot.com/2005/12/needing-some-prayersgood-thoughtsvibes.html#comments just came home from Guatemala a week ago. She was feeding Dylan, her almost 5 month old son, when he began to have a seizure. Subsequent to the 911 call he had another seizure in the ambulance and at Children's Hospital. The doctors think the seizures may be the result of a virus. He is currently undergoing an MRI and other tests. Please keep baby Dylan, Julie and Marc, in your thoughts and prayers.

As of December 8, 2005 Savanna weighs 12.12 pounds. Her head circumference is 15.74 inches. She still drinks Similac Advance. Savanna likes to play with cloth (I hope it is the cloth washcloth I bought for her that crinkles when you touch it, also good for teething), listen to music, be sung to and play with children. Her health is described as PERFECT!!

My dear little Savanna Bananna,

Your Mom is not digging this waiting period! She has butterflies in her tummy nearly every day, "first time mommy jitters",  is what Doc says. Mom wants to make sure you are okay, you are getting the proper care in all respects. She also worries way too much about doing everything "right" so you will be healthy in all respects. The whole family is so excited to embrace you, love you, and welcome you into our family.

Savanna, you are beautiful. I wish I could tell you that "up close and personal".

I love you, baby girl. Please come home soon.

Momma

Savanna's room is finally done, minus the changing table. The wall color is a soft lilac (it looks more grey in the picture than what the true color is). The pink furry looking chair was made by developmentally disabled adults who reside at Porterville State Hospital in California. My sister works at the hospital as a recreational therapist. Karen surprised me with the chair a few weeks ago and told me that she paid the residents for their craftsmanship. I love the chair. It is so so soft.  Savanna will be able to use it for many years to come. Thanks, Sis. You're the greatest. Karen also made the curtains and the doll seated in the glider. Could there be a better sister? Not a chance!!

Shannon, Karen's friend, made the pillows and the foam bench under the window. Shannon can do anything with upholstery. He really has perfected his craft. I might just sleep on the bench when Savanna needs me closeby.

I still need to stain the album crate that I ordered online a couple of months ago.  I plan to use the crate as a toy box because it's large enough to fit nearly all her toys (boy does she have TOYS) and it will fit nicely in the family room.  There is no more room left for anything to go in Savanna's room other than a changing table.

I just received an email from my blog buddy, Souad. She just arrived home from Guatemala on Thursday with her beautiful baby girl, Anissa. Anissa has been sick since Monday with diarrhea, dehydration, vomitting, a very bad virus. She was admitted to the hospital yesterday. Please pray for Anissa, Souad, and her hubby. This is a very difficult time for them.

Thank you,

Betsy